A Break

Well, we're on a break now, since DH is out of town (when we would need to do the IUI). So, no drugs this month, no IUI, and no hope for a BFP. We'll do the Clomid again next month with IUI and hope for the best. We had a long debate between doing injectibles after this next cycle of Clomid or going straight to IVF. We decided to try at least one cycle of injectibles. The concern is that we might end up with multiples, with my arthritis, it would be a really bad thing to have more than one or two babies. However, since they can monitor the follicles pretty well, and if I have too many we can cancel the cycle, I feel comfortable trying the injectibles at least once to see how I respond. Then we'll make the decision to continue with a couple of injectible cycles or go to IVF.

I'm scared to do IVF. Not only is it pretty uncomfortable, but it's really expensive, and we'll have to pay the entire cost since it isn't covered by insurance. But it's also scary since it's pretty much the end of the line. They can't really do much else if it doesn't work. I'm so scared of potentially being told that there isn't anything else to try and that I can't get pregnant! Then I guess we'd have to decide between maybe using a surrogate, or adoption. All stuff I hope doesn't happen.

Well, I'll just try to focus on the positive, and hope for next cycle.

IUI #2

Well, IUI #2 is behind me. It didn't hurt as much as the first one. It's really difficult to be positive about this cycle when we don't know why we're not getting pregnant and our other cycles haven't worked. It seems that I produce good sized follicles and hopefully that bodes well for this cycle and future ones.

If this cycle doesn't work we will be doing one more and then have to face the question of injectibles vs. IVF. Injectibles run the risk of multiples (more than just twins) and have a lower success rate than IVF. But IVF is much more expensive and more painful and time consuming. I guess we'll discuss this with the Doc if this cycle doesn't work.

I'm just so sick of not being pregnant. I keep getting more discouraged every time I see someone pregnant or see a baby. I feel like I'll never get pregnant, I'm afraid that nothing will work.

I also found out that my husband's cousin and his wife have been having difficulty too. They have been trying for almost as long as we have. I can't help looking at all of the people who shouldn't have children that procreate with no problem at all, so many of these people have children left and right and then don't take care of those children. Then people like us who have jobs, who are well educated, who have homes with good school districts, who have close knit and loving families, who are sober and don't use drugs seem to have so much difficulty having children. It is so frustrating and unfair, and there's nothing that I can do about it but be upset and frustrated that I can't get pregnant.