AF showed AGAIN!!! I couldn't even call anybody or leave the house Friday because I started spotting, I just sat at home and felt sorry for myself. Then on Sunday I swear, everybody had a baby with them. I mean, usually one family is there with kids, (we have a really small congregation) but Sunday, there were kids everywhere! This one lady was there and had two little boys and was about 7 months pregnant with #3!!! How unfair!! I actually started tearing up and had to stop myself from crying during the service.
Well, now I have to take this month off because AF showed up on Saturday, and I couldn't make an appointment over the weekend and I had to work today. Plus, I think that we're going to be in New Orleans during the time we'd need to be actually doing the IUI, so hopefully next cycle will work out better timing wise.
I've started to feel kind of hopeless. I really have started to get this feeling that I'll never get pregnant. Like one of those dresses that is soooooo perfect and just so amazing that you just know that you'll never see it in your closet. Or like this amazing house that we're looking at now, but I know it's too amazing to be for us, and we'll never get it. I'm just so afraid that I really won't ever get pregnant. I have one or two more cycles of injects and then we have to wait until I'm at least halfway done with my CRNA program to start IVF. And that isn't guarenteed!! I'm also starting to wonder if this has anything to do with my Rheumatoid Arthritis. It makes sense, if my immune system is in overdrive, it attacks my joints and tendons, and can attack other body parts too, is it so much of a stretch to think that maybe it's rejecting embryos? Is there any connection between autoimmune diseases and infertility. Maybe I'm just overthinking it, i've been told by rheumatologists and OB's that there isn't a problem, but if they can't figure out why I'm not getting pregnant, how can they tell me that things are not the reason.
So, another cycle begins and DH and I will "try on our own", of course a year of "trying on our own" hasn't gotten us anywhere, and trying with drugs and IUI's hasn't gotten us any further. Life sucks!!!
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Monti
Us & Nieces and Nephews
This is my space to catalog my long long trip towards becoming a mommy. I'm hoping that this will help me to deal with the long process of infertility and to get comments from others, and share my experiences with other people who may be headed down that road too.
Our Furbaby
Monti
The Purpose of this Blog
I decided to start this blog because over Thanksgiving the whole baby thing started to be more than just difficult. It's always been difficult when people would announce their pregnancies or new babies, or ask when we were going to start trying. I used to be able to grin and bear it and say something cute like "who knows", or "whenever God gives us a baby". I guess that it's just that now all of our friends are starting to announce second babies (we have four friends pregnant wiith #2 and two who have already had #2, and all but two of them got married after us!). I had to go to DH's cousin's baby shower and was asked by his uncle if I thought that his daughter in law or I would be pregnant next. I've been reminded that I'm not getting any younger and if we wait too long it might be too late.
If a person isn't pregnant after several years of marriage, there are two reasons why. They aren't ready to have a baby, or they can't get pregnant. Either way, it's not anybody's business but theirs, including friends and family unless they choose to tell people on their own. Asking those questions can only cause hurt or irritation, and offering unsolicited advice cannot possibly help.
Who I Am
- SS
- DH and I have known each other since we were 15. We dated for three years in high school and broke up during my freshman year of college. We started dating again after I graduated college and was living wiith my parents in Nashville while he was in law school in Pittsburgh. We got engaged in Dec 2000 and married in Aug 2001. We spent our first year of marriage in Europe while DH worked on a law project, then moved to San Francisco for two years. We moved to Washington D.C. so I could go to nursing school to get a second degree. After graduation we left D.C. (which we hated and was too expensive) and I took a job in the ICU at University Hospital, and DH is working on Real Estate for the Federal Gvt. We've been married for five years and I love him more than ever. He shows me what a wonderful husband and man he is every day, especially with his love, support, and understanding during our efforts to get pregnant.
Our Wedding
Us & Nieces and Nephews
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